Chapter
XXV
Marriage
and separation
Marriage
is sacred world over; particularly for the Hindus it
is a sacrament. In the matter of marriage, I was late to decide. Late as per
the tradit ions of Mait hil Brahmins where even in those days in the
lowest middle class a matriculate, in lower middle class a graduate and in
upper middle class an employment were crit eria
for grooms and you could have any type of groom, if you had money to purchase one.
In
my life, I had several proposals for marriage from medicos as well as
non-medicos. Till 1986, I was not inclined to marry. I had an impression of
several life-devotees, bachelors in the Sangh, working as pracharaks but
thereafter, I came to realise that I could not go to that extent of devotion,
particularly in the background that I wished to continue the rest of my life as
a medical practit ioner and for a
practit ioner from many angles a
household is a must which cannot be wit hout
a wife. My father also warned me that if I was to be a practit ioner, I must marry as this was also necessary
from the point of view of lady patients which in course of my service at the
CCL, Ranchi
I
also felt that I was a man who never did even simple marketing and the life
would be difficult if I remained a bachelor. Though even today, I do not consider
the wife as a mere companion in western connotation, I can say that every
individual in fact needs companionship of one who becomes part and parcel of
the other.
My
uncle (the eldest brother of my father), Himkar Thakur (Sharma), had
unexpectedly started correspondence wit h
me when I had writ ten to him for
blessings after passing my MD. Just to close the prolonged correspondence, I
had writ ten to him that if my goal
was achieved and I could find a suit able
girl, I could marry. He died after few months and before his death he had
assured my parents that I had agreed to marry. My parents had already been much
worried and on my previous declaration that I would not marry, my younger
brother, Shubhakar was married on the 26th May 1985 .
I had
pressure from my teachers, their wives and other well-wishers from all
quarters, but the last push was from fellow medicos, more importantly from
those who were the eldest in their families to get a bhabhi. So the
effort in making me agree came in the final stage more from the youngsters than
from the elders. They were very particular about their bhabhiji.
I
started thinking that I must have a house where they could get affection apart
from guidance or help. Sweets were possible only from sweet bhabhi; from
me they could expect only commands full of tasks. The incongruit y in my behaviour, I started finding were partly
due to lack of affections showered on me in my early childhood under the family
circumstances and my ambit ions for
activit ies - social, intellectual as
well as career-bound efforts. This sprouting of thinking compelled me more so
to a life wit h a home, hearth and a
keen wife.
After
the Jamshedpur it e degree any medico dreams of and an honour in
social life, a worker can expect. Thus, I started talking posit ively of marriage. In June 1986, at Ranchi it for a
few months.
Then
I thought, if I could marry a medico, she could co-operate wit h me in all the spheres of life - reading and writ ing; clinic and service camps; enjoying travels
for the meetings and conferences (even in odd sit uations,
say in winter in Kashmir or in summer in Kerala, though usually they are
planned to suit the convenience).
Certainly, I had neit her intention
nor imagination to marry a medico, just as many people do, considering her a
golden-egg-delivering hen.
But
finding such a virtuous girl was not easy. I had also a premonit ion that as per our scriptures, birth, death,
marriage, etc. are all fixed in heaven and so I had no fait h
in pick and choose, particularly as a social worker, I thought that it would be a gross violation of moralit y if a groom chooses a bride as a commodit y in the market.
Since
my younger brother was married, I was out of the list of the eligible grooms
among relatives and pers ons
connected wit h us. So, also to
broaden the field, Vijay Raj and Suhash published advertisements in The
TOI’s matrimonial columns. The response was enormous but my would-be sweet
heart was not among them.
In
September 1988, an old gentleman, Chakra Pani Jha, a freedom fighter, came to me
at Ranchi it h a proposal for his grand-daughter, a student of
the AMC, Dibrugarh, appearing for final MBBS. They were from the neighbourhood
of my ancestral village too and talks proceeded up to the stage of the meeting
of the would-be couple.
Excerpts from the matrimonial interview :
(Residence of Dr. Sujit
Dhar, Calcutta, 16th December 1988)
Mr. M.N. Jha (father of the girl): - “Dolly, We have
already discussed a lot. You both should talk now, and then only matter can
proceed. Would you like to talk?”
Dr. Sujit
Dhar: - “Yes! Yes!! They are to live their lives. We are merely instrumental.”
Dolly: - “Yes I’ll talk.”
Dhanakar: - “Though I had occasions to talk to girls
for other purposes but for marriage this is maiden occasion. In this
connection, I had seen a girl (at Nagpur it . Any way
as you please.”
Dolly: - “I’ve also not talked to any boy in the past
about it .”
(Mrs. M.N. Jha takes Dolly and her sister Sudha into
the adjacent chamber of Dr. Dhar and comes out leaving both sisters wit h Dhanakar)
Dhanakar: - “I’ve nothing to ask. You have already
told your option for the subject of your MD (PSM), etc. Better you ask.”
Dolly: - “My papa-mummy can’t afford a dowry. They’ve
spent a lot on my education.”
Dhanakar: - “This is irrelevant and unwarranted in my
case. I’ve already told your parents and others that I am rather a crit ic of dowry. Women’s education is the answer to it though there are many other points as well.”
Dolly: - “I am very anxious.”
Dhanakar: - “It seems you couldn’t sleep in the
night. Anyway you will be happy afterwards.”
Dolly (shyly): - “Mait hils
use to marry at an early age. Mummy has been asking me for long as to when I
would marry. Why did you not?”
Dhanakar: - “So many factors: MD, service, stabilit y and something more important than these - some
other project’s (the NMO’s) stabilit y
but anyhow the most important thing was not having a meeting wit h you.”
Dolly (internally pleased and externally shy): -”Your
date of birth?”
Dhanakar: - “Ist August.”
(Dolly and Sudha are counting, Leo, etc.)
Dhanakar: - “I do not believe in those. Anyway which
colour do you like?”
Dolly: - “Maroon.”
Dhanakar: - “What is it ?”
Dolly: - “Deep red.”
Dhanakar: - “Like the sari you have put on.”
Dolly: -”Yes.”
Dhanakar: - “Which flower you like most?”
Dolly: - “Rajanigandha. Do you like music?”
Dhanakar: - “Not much. Sometimes I listen to it . These days TV has a serial on Mirza Ghalib.”
Dolly: - “A promise?”
Dhanakar: - “Please say. But I do not hope, if I ask
not to do something, you will desert me like the Ganga
of the Mahabharat.”
Dolly: - “I’ll do my internship at Dibrugarh. Will
you have any objection?”
Dhanakar: - “You do it
anywhere in the country. I’ve no objection, not only for the internship but
also for the PG.”
Dolly: - “I’ll learn music.”
Dhanakar: - “Anybody should have freedom to learn
anything. See, these are trifling matters. After marriage, the joint decisions
are taken. Rabindranath Tagore (Rabi Thakur) had differentiated between
friendship and love. In friendship 1+1 (pointing to himself and
Sudha) =2 and in love 1+1 (pointing to himself and
Dolly) = 1. After marriage, two shores meet to become one. It is not necessary
that one may have luxury but life should be peaceful, full of love, may be only
for a few days. You come from Assam it
Kinare (Life after marriage was of a few days and husband died of illness;
her friend’s husband was wealthy but he did not give love. The second friend
told the first, ‘even for a few days, your husband had loved you. You are thus fortunate but I am
not so.’)?
The life
of a pers on like me is full of
difficulties. You are seeing the pictures of Swami Vivekananda and the
Vivekananda Rock Memorial, Kanyakumari, under the table-glass. Dr. Dhar had
worked a lot for it s foundation. I
am also involved in such other project
(I meant, the NMO). This life is full of difficulties. It is, however,
another matter is that we both being doctors can fulfill the minimum needs of life, still...
As
far as I am concerned, I’ve nothing to say. Decision is yours. What can I tell
you about me in 15 minutes on which a sketch of
250 pages I’ve drafted already. Whatever your parents and grand-parent
say, follow them, since they have observed me for a longer period. Don’t worry
about me, what will happen to me (if you say
a ‘no’). Well let us go.”
And,
Dolly (Suman Jha), gave her consent to her guardians for marriage wit h me.
That
night, I proceeded to the VSS Medical College, Burla in Orissa to attend the NMO’s
Annual Day Celebrations, having no sleep in the night remembering the day and
my destiny and Dolly, whose photograph my mother-in-law had given to me at
Howrah station but missed to bring sweets, a mere formalit y.
When
I returned to Ranchi it tee Meeting
of the NMO scheduled during January
16-17, 1989 was postponed to January 23-24 to enable all friends to be present in
our marriage on the 23rd January also.
I
had a grand meeting wit h Dolly in
the night, sandwiched between those two days of the NMO meeting.
I do
not know whether such a large number of medicos of all strata would have
attended any marriage where the groom was not from their own instit ution. Dignit aries
including many senior doctors of the town were present apart from Dr. Abaji
Thatte, Nagpur , Dr. Sujit
Dhar, Calcutta it ation
card was printed in Sanskrit and
people had followed the request printed on the card to bless only and not to
bring any gift.
Fig.
31 _ My marriage card in Sanskrit .
The
marriage was held at Ranchi it hil rit uals and I obeyed every command of my in-laws, as
already promised to Suhash and Satish.
My
parents, uncle, Madhukar Thakur, (who was also my Acharya of yajnopavit ) and almost all the members of my family had
come to bless except my revered elder brother. Earlier I had a lot of
discussion both hot and harsh wit h
him on the question of my marriage wit hout
a dowry. His thinking was that if done
so, our sisters’ marriages would not be possible. As such my marriage wit hout any dowry was too harsh for him to accept.
The result was, he did not attend my marriage. However, as a social worker, I
had presented an example.
My
sister, Indu’s marriage was also solemnised only after few days from my
marriage day and wit h handsome dowry
to which I also contributed, out of my savings from my salaries.
I do
repeat that marriages are made in the Heaven and that could not be altered.
Rhythmically, my marriage was followed by the marriage of my sister, which I
could not attend, but nothing stopped my sister’s marriage despit e my dowry-less marriage, held earlier to her.
Post-script
ns[kh gS rwus
D;k ukxQuh\
ruk ekaly
iÙks gq, dkaVs
'kq"d çse dh
e#Hkwfe esa mit h
ukxQuh!
nks"k ugha gS bl nzqe dk
u gh bl vUR;t ds
iwoZt dk
vHkkoksa dh e#---m"ek esa
dSls nzqe gks
jtuhxa/kk\
ukxQuh ds Hkh vkrs olUr
I;kjs ihys Qwy
ij gj Qwy Qy ns
,sls mlds HkkX; dgk¡\ Fig. 32 --- Dr. Suman Jha, MBBS
Whom
I married as a token of love and affection to the junior medicos
of the country and she had also later init iated
a unit of the
NMO at Dibrugarh.
xyrQgeh gks x;h Fkh eq>s xqykc dh
dkaVksa ds ljrkt jktdqekj dh
ij eSa rks Bgjk vUR;t ukxQuh
dksbZ esjh jtuh lqxfU/kr dj ns
,sls esjs HkkX; dgk¡\
& /kukdj Bkdqj
Have you seen
The Nagphani?
Fleshy stems
Leaves modified to
thorns
Nagphani (cactus)
grown
In the deserts of dry
love!
Not the fault of this
shrub
Nor this low-born’s
ancestors
In the hot-desert of
dearth
How can Rajanigandha
grow?
Spring comes to
Nagphani also
Lovely yellow blooms
But for every flower
to bear fruit
Is not it s fortune?
I had miscomprehension
of a rose
The prince wit h the thorny crown
But I’m, the poor Nagphani
Could one make my
nights fragrant?
Alas! Such is not my
fortune.
-Dhanakar Thakur
26.2.1989 (on Dolly’s
birthday)
My wife deserted me soon seeing my deep
involvement in social work and hastily concluding that I would not earn for an
affluent life forgetting her own immense potentialit ies
and just as if :
^^,d /kuoku dh csVh us
fu/kZu dk nkeu NksM+ fn;k A
pkanh dh nhokj u rksM+h]
I;kj Hkjk fny rksM+ fn;kAA**
(A rich man’s daughter had left
a lover in poverty.)
— the first ever
movie-song, I remember, that I listened to at Bhit thi
chowk (in Madhubani district of Mit hila)
during my adolescence.
This life is a journey from
beginning to end
Always in motion, forever,
moving on, on, on
It’s a journey through time,
emotions and fait h
Concluded so quickly,
leaving so much to be done.
Fig. 33 _ Miss Dolly’s earliest presentation to me_the
New Year Card.
Underlining
mine, indicating the tragic end of our marriage though I tried to save it till the end, despit e
several threats to my life and honour, as I did not give consent for divorce as
I had given a word to Chakra Pani Jha, my maternal grandfather-in-law.
My
stand had been as Christ had on the Cross-, “Forgive them for they know not
what they are doing” while I was recalling every moment, “Blow, blow
thou winter wind thou art not so unkind as a man’s (in my case a woman’s) ingratit ude”, of William Shakespeare that I read
during matriculation (SSC)
classes.
Our
communit y’s senior elders like Gauri
Mishra, SEWA (Self-Employed Women’s Association) Mit hila,
and C.S. Jha, ex-CMD, BCCL, B.P. Jha, ex-ADM, Palamau, Dr. Guneshwar Jha,
ex-HOD, Geology, Ranchi Universit y,
apart from villagers of Hissar in Madhubani district to which late Chakra Pani
Jha belonged and notably his nephew Jibeshwar Jha tried their best for
reconciliation but it was a woman’s
obstinate, ‘No’, from a complex originated during her childhood’s emotional
deprivation by parents (which she had herself told me and also writ ten to me) wit h
their son preference attit ude
resulting in a bigger size of family coupled wit h
a war between the spirit ualism
and materialism which thrust upon me an unfortunate legal wrangle, despit e the truth being on my side, the Judiciary passed
a verdict in her favour, annulling the marriage even though the process of
reconciliation was still on.
A
few days back, I listened in a TV serial on Charit raheen
of Sharatchandra, an actor telling, “A lie has only importance in the courts”
and even after a century it hold
water.
The
names too have significance. Dolly is the famous name of the first man-made,
genetically cloned sheep in England Calcutta it for divorce.
Einstein was also divorced by his Dolly. Their love letters were put on to
auction but mine would have been thrown into the coal hearths of my in-laws (my
father-in-law was a top official of the Coal India Limit ed).
B. N. Jha, an advocate told me that in a particular year in the Ranchi District
Court five out of eight lady petit ioners
seeking divorce were, by name, Dolly and hence, he got the name of his daughter
changed to Preyasi who was also a
Dolly. A doll always moves on the
extraneous stimulus not on the inner call of the heart but marriage is not a
doll’s game.
Chakra
Pani Jha had presented me a watch. It stopped as it s
battery was exhausted. When I went to Sayonara watch-shop at Ranchi it could not be replaced. I did not know that Chakra
Pani Jha’s best gift to me (Dolly) had already told me, “Sayonara
(good-bye)” and knowing it the same
evening, I decided not to use the watch or any other thing from them; a few
petty presentations however are still wit h
me. The first thing I put aside in my quarters was a knife which Dolly’s mother
had given me along wit h fruit s in the RMC Hostel. Later using that knife in the
kit chen, I had been imagining as if the food was
being cooked wit h the assistance of
her daughter.
The same
evening, Dr. K. K. Sinha who had also graced my marriage told me, “It was an
accident in your life and better forget it .”
He was correct. It took me long to recover from this unfortunate torpor and I
kept remembering the words of wisdom:
“The psychological problems of the
adult — the anxiety state, the aggressiveness, the marit al
unhappiness — have their origin in early life. The seeds of pers onalit y
disorders and of social problems, of juvenile delinquency, divorce, illegit imacy, selfishness, dishonesty and war are sown
in the first three or four years.”
—
R. Illingworth, Normal Child in the Chapter — The Basis of
Behaviour, Churchill Livingstone 1986: page 236. (The bold typeset mine).
“The only people who win in
divorces are the lawyers.”
—
Dr. John F. Knight, Family Medical Care, Vol. I, Signs Publishing
Company, Warburton , Victoria , Australia
“Misery is not always a misfortune.”
—
Dr. S. Radhakrishnan.
On 13th September 2000, at the Patna High
Court, affidavit s on compromise petit ions were signed by me and Dr. Suman Jha (though
she could appear in Madhubani court to record compromise affidavit in the cases only on 7.10.2002, keeping me and my
family in agony), who by this time had become the second wife of a widower
doctor and had also a baby from him.
When
Ramchandra Jha, Advocate, Madhubani Court, a friend of her father, finally
asked me to have a cup of tea, I told him that the last cup of tea, I had taken
wit h Dolly (at Dibrugarh). Then we took soft drink. I told him to
communicate to them (my ex-in-laws) that I had never worked or had done
anything against their interest despit e
provocations and I had contested the divorce case only because I had held
Dolly’s hands before the sacred fire during marriage and further I had given a promise to late Chakra Pani Jha
that in no case I would leave her in the lurch. I also told Ramchandra Jha that
he was the only pers on, who, if had
intervened earlier, the story would have been different. Ramchandra Jha
averred, “You had kept your character.”
It was the same Ramchandra Jha who in a case
lodged against me stated falsely that I had stolen his old watch and the
Magistrate on the false evidence of several advocates issued hurriedly a
warrant against me in which I could get a bail wit h
great difficulty. Ironically a man like me who had presided over a meeting only
79 days earlier at Hyderabad, on 28.1.1996 (where the chief guest was Hon’ble
Chief Justice of the A. P. High Court, P. S. Mishra) was maligned and charged
at Madhubani for stealing an old watch of worth Rs. 300 !
In fact, the story of the matrimonial case
reads like a cinema script. In brief, it s
presentation may be educative for anyone. In February 1996, in a late night, my
cousin Ramakar Thakur telephoned me that a divorce suit
was posted on the ex-parte judgment on 16.2.1996. When I asked for leave on phone, the then
CMO, at Ranchi it h
the health of my parents.
I thought, like in a cinema both parties would
be in the docks and so I appeared in the court in the same dress in which I had
seen her for the first time on 16.12.1988 at Calcutta it
and keep it preserved as a memento.
But in the court, I learnt that the attendance of neit her
of the parties was required in a civil suit
and only in criminal cases accused was required to be present.
Probably
the laws were made when people were civilized and not in the present context
when most of the criminal cases are filed falsely over-burdening the courts
(over three crore cases are pending in Indian courts, even the President of
India has passed remarks on it but
nothing tangible has been done to stop piling false cases which only harass
innocent people and is a source of income to lawyers and police).
In my case, even the civil suit for divorce was utterly false. Neit her
she had mentioned that she was a doctor nor that I was a doctor, not even the
place of marriage, Ranchi it was the address of the work
place of her father, Sayal Colliery in Hazaribagh district of Bihar (now in
Jharkhand).
All allegations were cooked up. Together we never went to
Damodarpur or Samaul where a film like story was cooked up of dowry torture for
demanding a car and desertion by me on which surprisingly the court had given
her divorce despit e all concrete papers like bed-head tickets of indoor patients seen and
advised by me on the said dates of the dwiragman (second marriage in Mait hil custom only after which the bride goes to her
in-laws) and subsequent dates of dowry tortures. The dates were cleverly chosen on holidays
(of second Saturday, Sundays and Durga Puja holidays) but I as a doctor
had visit ed the patients on almost
all dates at Ranchi in the Ispat Hospit al
Further it was alleged
that I had deserted her, the story was entirely otherwise. Her letter from
Dibrugarh about 26th June, 1989 to me to Ranchi, now lying in the court records
states that she was leaving me for good.
There was one more allegation from which I was absolved, as there
was no eye-wit ness that I had illicit relations wit h
my elder brother’s wife. She was made a
party to the case but the fabricators did not know even her name. The case
mentioned an imaginary name of ‘Kalpana’ Thakur (She, in fact, is Dr. Kalyani
Thakur, MA, PhD). The only proofs were some inland letters Dolly had sent which
were said to be posted from Samaul to her father and Ramchandra Jha, bearing
some tampered illegible postal marks.
But a postcard having clear postal stamp, from my father to me,
for fixing a date of the dwiragman, was not accepted true by the court,
as my mother had identified it wit hout wearing glasses. The procedure is followed in
the courts is that somebody should identify the writ ings
(whether he/she is known/unknown to the party is immaterial).
It was pathetic that a doctor had writ ten wit h
her own hands such filthy letters. My friend Ravi Shankar Prasad, a senior
advocate of the Patna High Court and later an MP and Minister of State
(Independent Charge, Govt. of India) reading those letters told me to forsake
such girl immediately, but I had a Gandhian notion, ‘Hate the sin, not the sinner’
and every act/misdeed of her, I wanted to correct wit h
my love and sacrifice.
In fact, while at Dibrugarh’s East End Hotel, she had told me
that she loved someone else. I told her
that I, as a priest would perform marriage-rit es
if, the said boy (a ‘housesurgeon’) truly loved her. I met the boy but he
apologized wit h folded hands, “Sir,
you are like an elder brother, there is nothing like it .” But he told a lie that he would be leaving by
the Brahmputra Mail in a First Class coach, berth no. 34. Later I pondered, it
must be a Sleeper Class (First Class has A to H maximum) and just to see him
off from Dibrugrah, I went to Tipong, to my in-laws’ cousin and informed all to
my mother in-law.
But
when I returned to Sayal, I was scolded for going to stay in a Class IV
employee’s quarters at Tipong. Later I was told not to visit their house at Sayal even when Dolly was
ill. Though it
was said to me that she would commit
suicide if I went to meet her but in fact, they were buying time so that I
might settle in practice but ‘healing time’ is really a ‘killing time’ for any
matrimonial relation and parents should not interfere in young couples’
affairs.
My own assumption is that she was
psychologically a destit ute,
deprived of love in her early years by parents and in fact, grand-parents’
undue love in compensation resulted in further emotional immaturit y in her.
It was because her mother was the only issue of her grandparents
(maternal) who never went to her in-laws’ village to live and it was also reflected in Dolly’s emotional pers onalit y.
Anyway,
Dolly went to my village, Samaul, after filing two false criminal cases of
dowry torture just to see how the small building and location of Samaul was,
for any possible interrogation in court and it
was said that she had also photographed the house. My relatives thought that she was a patient
who had come for consultation from my father and that being too in salwar-suit their assumption of her being a Muslim
patient was not unnatural. She had also threatened me on phone but was mum when
I met her last in a Darbhanga watch-shop.
I told her, “Best of luck.”
The first criminal
case she filed on the day of reconciliation alleging the imaginary events of
dowry torture five years earlier and had added that I had snatched her
jewellery near Madhubani post office, one-day prior in the evening. Again, her
wit nesses were the learned advocates
and her relatives*.
*I was absolved of the case
on 12.5.2007 after her prolonged non-appearance in the court.
Taking
the advantage of my presence in the court at Madhubani, her ‘uncle’ advocate
also filed the case of watch stealing. And, after a month she filed another
fake case of dowry torture alleged again to have happened on a Sunday and on
that day I was at Ranchi
My sister became
the worst victim as we were forced to keep her away at Satna for long to avoid
any police action and being involved in these cases my family could hardly pay
due attention for seeking a suit able groom for her. And, they played all these
nefarious games after the marriage of Sudha, (Dolly’s younger sister), though
she always sided wit h me and
appreciated my love for Dolly. But society is a double-edged sword – Sudha
could be married easily being the daughter of
an affluent father (who had became so in the intervening years and was
alleged to be also involved in several crore rupees scams as per newspaper reports (the Ranchi Express
November 5-8,1995),
Fig. 34 _ Piparwar
Project Scam (courtesy, the Ranchi Express Nov. 5-8.1995).
though I was never part of those publications, probably my
in-laws thought so as
I was close to the newspaper’s proprietor, who had also
attended my marriage).
*We were absolved of the case on 24.5.2003, after her
prolonged non-appearance in the court.
My sister’s marriage proposals were denied
at many places due to my marriage break-up.
I remembered poet Vrinda’s saying, writ ten
in medieval days,‘^rhu nckcr fuldfga] jktk]
ikrd] jksx* (King or law, sins and
diseases afflict the poor). At least in my case, the law took a heavy toll on
me though I got a character certificate even from the archit ect of the whole show Ramchandra Jha and my health
remained good throughout. Dolly required alprazolam’s 5-6 tablets a day (one of
her distantly related brother told me so quoting my mother-in-law).
On
the day the judgment of the divorce suit
, I was more anxious than I was on the result day of my MD . I left my chamber at Ranchi it hout
telling anyone, leaving the patients. When my cousin Ramakar Thakur informed me
on the phone that her petit ion had
been allowed at Madhubani, I told him that I would appeal in the Patna High
Court.
I feel, the rotten medical examination
system, described in earlier chapters is still far better than our legal system. No doubt, our High and Supreme Courts have an
international credence but justice delayed is justice denied. My first appeal
could get the first date only after about two years’ time and taking advantage
of the law that one could marry after six months or one year, she got remarried
probably at Vindhyachal (where we could not go even after honeymooning for
several nights at Satna, not able to catch the early morning train for several
days).
I
think God/Goddess punishes the sinner, again I was weaker here and after this
remarriage my mother-in-law was reported to have visit ed
Baidyanath Dham wit h kanwar
– who can be more liberal than Ashutosh – I have been observing several
religious rit uals, including the
most arduous, Chhath fast for several consecutive years but again I am
yet to see any fruit ful result. Of
course, these fasts and simple life made me healthier – my fasting blood sugar
77, serum cholesterol 142, serum triglyceride 69, and HDL and LDL cholesterol
40 and 89 respectively (all mg per cent). The other day my younger colleague
measured my blood pressure as 110/70 mmHg, lower than many ladies.
And when I had been under the terror of a
warrant wit h processes under
attachment (kurki-jabti), the court as per records sent summons to my
improper address but never to my actual address – I never received summons. One
lawyer told me that for any criminal case it
is managed by the party not to deliver summons but a warrant.
Fig. 35--- Our Lower Judiciary! (Courtesy, The Times of India
That judge offered me night stay but I felt that I must stay
somewhere else, I preferred to stay in the house of Binod Thakur, my old
‘compounder’ of Gangta More dispensary who also agreed to spend some time wit h me for social service at that place.
I was meandering in the Raj of Justice and felt I could
not get justice. In fact, I also decided to leave India it ting
the tit le of this book.
But the scene was managed very efficiently by four Mait hils particularly, L. N. Singh ‘Suman’ (Majhiam),
B. K. Jha (Lagama) and also B. K. Jha (Manpaur), and D. Thakur (Akaur). Dr.
Radha Kant Mishra (Kharka-Basant) became mediator and he approached Tarakant
Jha (whose son was also my advocate), who had launched the movement for Mit hila
State it hils from Jamshedpur, Ranchi,
Jainagar, etc. pressed him so much that he even offered to Dolly to be a
special guest in his house and he himself dictated the compromise petit ion – any petit ion
that ex-Advocate General drafted himself after 23 years.
Two years earlier too, I
had told Bhrigu Kumar Jha, cousin of my mother-in-law that since the day Dolly
was remarried to someone else, my interest was lost in her just like Bhishma
put his bows seeing Shikhandi, ‘a woman in the pers ona
of a man’ but they were reluctant to come on the compromise table. And, I never
took the false cases against me seriously knowing that wit nesses
were false (one of my villagers too had given false evidence maybe due to
malice wit h my cousin who was
managing the case at Madhubani and or had taken money which God only knew).
In spit e
of intimidating blank telephone calls, the SSP, Ranchi pers onalit y and so the bus conductor had behaved shabbily wit h him while coming to Sayal in those days
(1990-91) and Dolly’s mother was also much reluctant to lend books for mining
officers’ examination to the son-in-law of Ramchandra Jha.
Being respectable pers ons,
lawyers should not have gone so deep as to plot an ex-parte, matrimonial
suit . When I told a young lawyer of
the Ranchi Bench of Patna High Court to file a jurisdiction petit ion, he also took my money but did nothing. He had
come to me as a friend of my youngest brother while he was at the JNU, New Delhi pers ons.
In court, bribery is given in several names and I found the villagers lose much
of their small earnings in the courts and to the police. My opinion is cases
are deterrents to the social development as are the social customs of dowry, shraddha
and yajnopavit (as was
also told by Jay Prakash Narayan).
Since the lawyers are not a salaried class,
some of them take up and cook up any type of case. There are some doctors who refrain from
abortions but there are hardly such lawyers who would not take up divorce
cases. In my opinion, it is because
while a doctor takes an oath to save life, the lawyers do not take oath to save
justice but they work for the interest of the clients leading to prolonged and
undue lit igations. What Prof.
Rajendra Singh told in the NMO’s function on 14th January, 1978 , at Darbhanga, echoes in my
mind that a doctor and a teacher do not thrive on other’s weaknesses like a
lawyer whom he preferred to call, parkalah upjivi – a saprophyte on
others’ malice?
I know medical profession too is vit iated but still the Medical Council of India would
not take up the case so late as the Bar Council of India had taken on my
complaint only on 1st August, 2002, after around five years, on my appeal
against a lawyer for filing a false case, which I had to wit hdraw on 7.10.2002 under the verbal terms of the
compromise to end my all pending cases, including that of the so called
watch-stealing case. He had been insistently demanding Rs.7500 for compromising
the cases, which I considered as’ black mailing’ and refused to give. He had
already taken Rs.1250 from my cousin for sending someone to Dr. Suman Jha for
signing the papers .
But,
neit her Mr. Ramchandra Jha wit hdrew his fake case nor the Bar Council of India
took cognizance on my petit ion
though it listened to my points,
which were only truths.
Today, I feel the futilit y of my complaint against Ramchandra Jha who was
‘used’ by my cunning in-laws, who wit h
their ill-gotten money (as per newspaper’s reports) felt this was only the go
of life.
Still today, I am revered in her ancestral
villages __ Hissar and
Damodarpur and everyone gives me much more respect than any son-in-law could
get in normal circumstances. And, all
rumours spread against me that I was mad, I was impotent, etc. passed off the
day the lady got re-married to someone else.
Yes, I had to go there and show them her very pers onal
letters to me... “I do not want to
conceive till my MD.” Sorry, the victim of bad parentage, Dolly, could not get
through for an MD, which she would have done in normal course. She could have
risen to the zenit h of worldly
success, which was prevented, due to her involvement in undue affairs, legal
and or otherwise. A charming Piscean according to Chero has to get some
matrimonial adversit ies but a
Leonine is only suit ed to her as a
partner for her torrential success which I could have been wit h the given patience...
In these circumstances one comes near to
astrological predictions. I was not
immune to it . Having seen and read
in my horoscope, ^L=hykHk%^ (Shtreelabhah)
in 2000-2004, I was perpetuating the law suit s
but I was not knowing that she might
not be the same woman and when she got remarried, I started searching for the
other.
Though
I met several.... S., MBBS, all of a sudden came and stayed wit h my sister (I remained at my Hospit al) who required someone to care for her growing
daughter; R., MD, a gold medallist had asked me in 1988 also whether I smoked?
She told me not to leave the service and she would also not leave her mother
deserted by her husband; R., an IRS
(told me on phone), three years senior to me, would have liked me
if I had
a child; A. and Shukla, both teachers
and K., a divorcee Brahmin local clerk, had also passed their child-bearing
age; an orphan R., MD, could not be convinced by her friend Lolly that I was suit able;
T., MD, a
Gold Medallist, being non-Brahmin was difficult to accept till my
sister was married; R., a banker could
not impress me; M., MBA, though I liked
her, she did not; S., MD,
her parents liked but I could not decide;
M.,
an officer, had brought up her sisters and brother but I had more shraddha
for her than love; P., MCh, I liked her most but she didn’t; P., an orphan preferred her job; S., a
journalist could not convince me that she worked for the London it or, S.T., MBBS,could not attract me'; M., MD's
parents weighed our age-difference; on the same day at Bangalore, in the same
restaurant, 'Sukhsagar', I met R.V. , an MBA,(though already a few months back
my proposal had been gracefully rejected by her), S. V., a textile entrepreneur(having two daughters)whom I
counselled not to for remarriage; PP, a Punjabi, working in HR,at Gurgaon, came
to meet me at Sahara Mall but seeing me bald and aged did not like to talk
further which did not deter L., MSc,
LLB, a beauty queen, introduced to me by a friend at Patna (in fact, she was on
telephone at the Nivedit a Ashram when one call from the Ispat Hospit al found number long engaged which made a furore)
but my youngest brother and sister had reservation for a Punjabi and non-Brahmin. I too did not like her mood
of revenge to her ex-husband by pressing for his conviction.
Searching for an ideal life-partner is not
easy. It was not earlier also when Dolly had chosen me finally. Among medico mait hils,
guardians of R. wit hdrew though she
wrote a letter in The Indian Nation that boys are recalcit rant for dowry; S.’s father finally got my reply
in 1982 that I would not marry for few years; N.’s father thought that being a vegetarian
I would not suit her (I saw her wit h Sudha later in Calcutta who told me that she
wanted to enjoy the life); K.’s father felt leaving the CCL’s job at Ranchi was
not good; father of ...Thakur of Bokaro counted my hairs on bald skull; R.’s
father (the only doctor father of a medico girl proposed to me) had to wit hdraw under unforeseen circumstances; R.’s family
members felt that I was not a normal
being who was inclined to marry in Vindhyanchal wit hout
any dowry; negotiations wit h a
Ranchi lady lawyer’s daughter N., a DMC medico, did not go ahead and ultimately
my destiny was Dolly who gave me a lesson ........... NARI HAI APARAJITA.
Yes, a woman is invincible! The world is beneath her toes. She can do many Mahabharatas or
Odysseys but she is also the cause of the Ramayana.
And, I did not know that the panorama of my
life was not a cinema but it was for
God’s vision of the Ramayana’s Mit hila,
to come on the map again and this time it
was by a Hanuman who in the subsequent years (being a Mait hiliputra) started working for it wit h
the desire to get his bachelordom abandoned.
So, I came to the Mait hils
that they would intervene socially which was a major factor for my init iation in Mait hili
work and my interest in art, culture and music was to amuse Dolly that she had
left someone who had turned into a neo-Kalidas, (historical Kalidas worked as a
helper boy in the gurukul of Damodarpur i.e. the ancestral place of
Dolly). But it is Kaliyug and
though Mait hils tried hard, they
could not win back my wife nor could they provide another one who could be suit able for me.
But, the movement for Mit hila
Rajya has marched ahead and if there can be a great thing as Mit hila
State it is now a national movement. And, I will never say that a medico cannot be
a good house-wife also and hence, my preference is still for a medico as a
life-companion but can I find a virtuous scholar medico like one
S.,M.S.(E.N.T.), cousin of Ravi Shastri the ‘cricketer’, who had writ ten on 12.7.1979 in her autobiography at the age
of 18 describing her birth... “At the dark hour of 0400, on a new-moon
night, my mother was awakened by me...........”, and finally
presumes............... “All teenagers dream; especially the girls. I often stretch my mind into the future,
wandering along the years to come, filling them wit h
events and imageries; people and their profiles, who all am I going to meet,
professionally and socially, who are going to be my best friends in the decades
ahead; and my husband, his (and to be my) near and dear ones; my children and
their friends. The excit ement of the future is that it
is unknown; yet we have a large hand in moulding it .
As long as we have the will to act and the wisdom to accept the results, it is going to be good and great...........”
The negotiation did not proceed further as I
could not think of going to settle at Bangalore
since the NMO was working mainly in Bihar * at
that time. Today, I can go anywhere, but is too late in the day at 49. I am not
a Salman Rushdie, 53 that I may be attracted, by a girl of 29, I told this to
vivacious Yogit a Mehra in a Bombay
I may like today to marry in a Mit hila village but can I get a suit able
match there? My life events may take a
turn and as an astrologer had predicted that by 2007, India
And, hence, though
the torture of the marriage was too much for my family and me particularly for
my old mother, I have no grievance against anyone including the creators of the
‘Raj’ of Justice.
*including Jharkhand
John Milton, ‘Christian-humanist-poet-priest’ being
perturbed by the life style of his royalist first wife filed the first ever
divorce suit in an English court but
he was not granted a divorce. Centuries after, I found just the opposit e in my case–a lady from an orthodox Mait hil Brahmin communit y
seeking a divorce on no valid ground on which a Hindu marriage can be annulled in
fact, but getting it on concocted
ones. Rightly, Milton it h good sanskaras is needed for the
development of the mankind and, hence, I try to search again for a fairly
educated girl.
Of
course, the ‘criminalisation’ of civil divorce case was pathetic and would go
against the cause of women on several scores.
And, when I signed the affidavit
at the Patna High Court accepting the decree of divorce, like a judge after writ ing a death sentence breaks the pen, I tried to
give that ball-pen to Ramchandra Jha, (only due to him she could get the
divorce) but he did not accept it
and then I gave it to the clerk-girl
of the High Court who checked the affidavit s
............... “ysf[kuh iqfLrdk ukjh]
ijgLrk xrk% xrk%” (Lekhini, Pustika,
Nari Parhasta Gatah Gatah --- Pen,
book and wife, once gone to other’s possession are gone for good).
My wife had already gone to someone else,
borne a child, yet I have the book (the wisdom) wit h
me and when I returned to Ranchi it h a deep
sigh, “Now even the namesake relation wit h
Dolly is over.” I told her that it
was already over once she had accepted someone else. Any wound leaves a scar which these words in
print would bear a testimony to it
for all time to come.
“lko/kku! dgha vki Hkkjrh;
ukfj;ksa ds vUr%dj.k esa fLFkr fookg dh ifo=rk vkSj R;kxe; thou dh Js"Brk
dh tM+ u [kksn nsaA mUgksaus ;qxksa-;qxksa ls vius vkn’kksZa
dks mUur j[kk gS( ifr-çse dks ,d vk/;kfRed 'kfDr ds :i esa latks;k gS( u
dsoy dke okluk vFkok lkalkfjd lq[k ds :i esaA lko/kku! vki dgha muds
le{k fo"k; lq[kksa dks vk/;kfRed lq[k ls vf/kd eksgd vkSj lq[k lqfo/kk
,oa Hkksx-foykl ds thou dks LodrZO; vkSj LokFkZR;kx ds thou ls vf/kd
vkd"kZd :i esa çLrqr u dj nsaA ukfj;k¡ Hkkjr dks iru ls cp k,saxh] fdUrq os ukfj;k¡ ugha ftuds vkn’kZ vour
gq;s gSaA”
¼Mk0 ,uh cslsaV] fookg dk fgUnq vkn’kZ]
tkx`fr izdk’ku] ,Q&109] lSdVj&27] ukS,Mk&201301 ( 1992 % i`"B
37½
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